Do you notice that the issues you fight about with your spouse, child, siblings, parents or in-laws are the same thing, over and over again? How about the concerns you have with your business partners or those that your employees have with each other? Do you see a recurring pattern?

John Gottman, PhD performed an empirical research on what creates success and failures in marriages. Researchers have demonstrated that his findings can be applied to family, organizational relationships and teams.

According to Gottman’s study, conflicts fall into just two categories: solvable and perpetual.

Perpetual conflicts show up over and over again. They probably will never disappear from your relationship because they come from fundamental differences in personality: She wants to have a baby but he doesn’t want children; he hates clutter but she is a pack-rat; she wants a religious home but he is an atheist. Every family and team relationship has conflicts like these.

The interweaving of family and business issues, the involvement of extended family, one team in combat with another team, office politics, or crossing-over roles and boundaries are issues that always come up. They never completely go away.

Another interesting outcome from Gottman’s study is that 69% of marital problems are perpetual. This implied that 69% of every relationship problem we have will likely to recur for the length of the relationship.

Fortunately, you don’t have to solve perpetual problems to have happy relationships and a thriving business. You just have to learn to handle them with humor and understanding and not let them overwhelm the relationship. While no relationship is perfect, every relationship can be successful if partners find ways to cope with conflicts and keep moving forward. It is like learning to cope with a bad back. It may never go away, but you can learn how to care for it and what situations to avoid, etc.

Empower-full Business Assignment:

Pick one relationship that you have that gets in the way of your productivity, and then think about the issues you consistently have with one another. Given that 69% of our relationship problems are perpetual, what implication does that have on your relationship? Since you cannot change this person, what kind of changes are you willing to make?

We understand that it is not easy to make changes on your own, especially our deeply entangled and ingrained habits. Let us help you and your company through our various coaching programs at T-Coaching. Call or email us for details.